Nitro Mega Lamb - Wednesday, September 02, 2009 6:14:15 AM

It's well after 5 am.  Plenty of my friends are still awake but they're all guys who seem to think I care that they're sexually frustrated at this crazy hour. 

(4:05:09 AM) midpat: It was a joke dumb dumb
(4:05:17 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: I get that
(4:05:29 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: Just not in the mood for it I guess
(4:06:00 AM) midpat: Maybe that's why you can't sleep. Too mad
(4:06:08 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: I'm not mad
(4:18:59 AM) midpat: Frustrated?
(4:19:21 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: not just that but yes that's part of it
(4:20:28 AM) midpat: Listen to Enya
(4:20:50 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: Fuck. That. Noise.
(4:21:24 AM) midpat: It puts me to sleep lol
(4:22:32 AM) midpat: Try Brian Eno
(4:25:29 AM) Nitro Mega Lamb: My problems are deeper than Enya right now, they're down there with Joy Division

And the worst part is I'm so tired and upset that I lack the skills necessary to relax and get some sleep when I need to, but I'd still rather sit up and listen to music than go back in there and lie down by myself. 

God, do I really have to spell it out?

"Just touch me like you know me, and everything will be fine."

This is the sum of all hang-ups this morning.

This reminds me of my birthday.  I woke up feeling like I'd swallowed a rough kilo of wet cement at 5am and made the decision that I was going to fix myself if it took hours.  And it took hours, but I did it. 

It's common knowledge that I come unglued on nights like this when I can't sleep, and I've been known to do/say things that only people who've consumed mass amounts of alcohol would have an excuse for.

I was starting to get down on myself, thinking that I was a slave to my past and I've let the things that happened eat me alive.  And maybe I'm not all the way there yet...but I worked through tonight all on my own without doing anything stupid or crying once. 

Here are my songs for the moment. 

"Sometimes I can't hold my breath long enough to get down to where Mr. Feeny likes to swim."  Cory, Boy Meets World