LIVE THROUGH THIS

When I was 12 years old, I discovered this record:

Subsequently, Courtney Love became my hero and I read an article she wrote entitled "Bad Like Me" for BUST magazine.  Awkward, ugly, unpopular, and a misfit in the worst way, she screamed and fought and broke things until she was finally recognized as pretty.  She was a dirty little kid without a chance in hell but she clawed her way out of this landfill and gave the damage nothing but a passing glance before taking the stage.  She MADE herself.  And whether people love her or hate her, they know who the fuck she is.  She's someone who not only knew pain but invited it in for tea and cookies, and this was an attitude I adopted and one that helped me cope with my very first heartbreak and each one after.  Her manifesto was taped to the inside of my notebooks from junior high forward, and copies were stuck in various books and ledgers with no real purpose-- it was never too far from me, but until the other day I had not read it thoroughly in at least 7 years.  When I did, I smiled because I could not believe how much of it I'd taken to heart without even knowing it.  Bad influence or good, these words wormed their way into my psyche and my guts and kept me warm this whole time.  I hope you guys enjoy this article as much as I did, and my little commentary at the bottom.  Hehe. 

BAD LIKE ME...COURTNEY LOVE

I was born bad. My biological dad is a bad man, so mama simply thought, "Ooh, she's got that bad blood seed in her." At heart, home, hearth and boyfriend, I am a full-on good girl prude-but don't tell anyone.

When you're a bad girl, people are terrified of you. You don't get mugged or raped because you don't have any victim energy (I'm sure it has happened, just not as often). It's bad if you're a famous one, though, because the boys all wanna fuck you, but then you get all girl-gooey and they go, "Oooh," because they thought you were gonna spank them. Duh, asshole.[1]

When you're a bad girl, everyone does what you want. You have room to grow. Bad girls are kinder than good girls and they are better to other girls, mostly, unless said other girls are boy-pleasin' users who want a little bad girl spice rubbed off on 'em like so much perfume.[2] Bad girls are also more spiritual and less prone to drug addiction, or, if they have it, when they quit they quit.
Bad girls know genius before the other dumb good girls do. They get the hot guys first 'cause they aren't looking for that big stamp of popularity approval. In Amadeus, Soliari says Mozart is ugly; the Soprano (a naughty bad girl) replies, "A woman of taste only thinks of genius." Bad girls love boy flesh that has an astronomical IQ.

Most bad girls are not as libidinous as good girls. Sex is intrigue, not looks; it's build-up and mind-warping.

Bad girls love like lions and kill those who fuck with their kin.[3] Good girls steal bad girls' boys. Bad girls fuck your boyfriends, yeah, but we feel shitty about it, sort of. You're there to take care of the dog, to have the BBQs. We're there to fly in to New York or L.A. or Paris and lock up in a four-star for three days while your boyfriend and us do things you'll never know about and he'd never dare do to you. We feel a little guilty.

Bad girls are "femmenistes;" we like our dark Nars lipstick and LaPerla panties, but we hate sexism,[4] even if we do fuck your husbands/boyfriends. We understand men, we love them, us hetero/bi bad girls.
We are not psycho bad girls; those are evil and in a class of their own. Maybe BUST will do an "evil girl" issue and then we can out them all. They are usually considered good girls by the community (e.g. Mary Lou Lord in her high quaky voice and "widdle gurl" act. How could she be capable of severing the head of a kitty and putting it on your front porch with a syringe in it's cornea? No, not that widdle good gurl!)

Bad girls will get obsessed if you dump us nasty, but instead of resorting to evil good girl tactics we will do things like: make your band open for us someday; send all your mail to a Der Wienerschnitzel in Watts; get a guitar for revenge; do genius comics and be a genius such as my favorite NYC bad girl, Dame Darcy, goddess supreme. We met on the one day I'd uttered her name in a foreign country. She is a bad girl; she's friends with Lisa Suckdog who has that great zine Rollerderby. Lisa tries to be a bad girl, crawlin' around nekkid and stuff, but I think she wasn't born with it. Hey, I could be totally wrong.

Darby from Ben is Dead is a bad girl. She makes fun of me but bad girls do that to each other, unfortunately. Shouldn't we all be piling up on Juliana or something?

Cristina Martinez of Boss Hogg is a hot babe bad girl-some day she'll lose that Spencer guy and come into her own fabulousness. She's got a swinging bad girl Puerto Rican booty. Man, you don't wanna get on the wrong end of her rattail comb. See, bad girls get fucked up, like me or Cristina or Inger Lorre-she's a natural star and the baddest girl of us all. We just cannot cross the line from bad girl to evil girl, leave that for the...no point in naming names.

Alanis Morrisette just won a bunch of Grammys and she went to the Grammys. No bad girl would go to the Grammys.

Don't dump a bad girl 'cause one day you'll have to come back and grovel for something; watch it, man-hell hath no fury like a bad girl dumped ill.[5]

Bad girls can deal with a little infidelity; good girls will leave you on "principle."

Bad girls can be as classy as Jackie O., who was a bad girl, she just didn't think it was our business to know that.

My sister Ms. Barrymore is a way bad girl. We are going to wear acid-wash to the Academy Awards. Of course bad girls go to the Academy Award parties-only if you get nominated are you busy.

Good girls live in a state of sulking or gloating, 'cause they are getting their butts kissed or having to kiss butt. But my friend-who's a good boy outside, but a very bad boy inside-told me that there's a middle state wherein, like if you go to the Academy Awards you are going out of your way to get your butt kissed, that's lame.

We can be total media whores, but we can also be completely mysterious.

All bad girls in the NYC and LA areas have slept with other girls just because.

Bad girls love like no one else.[6]

Bad girls swallow-it is sooo rude to spit, but don't do it the first time. I don't know why I think that, I just think the good girl part of the bad girl says they know you give good head, so make the worms wait.[7]

If you're a single girl on the make, I suggest power. You have to work hard to acquire it, and no one will help you. You will gain many girl enemies. That's 'cause you eventually wind up playing the wife of a huge publisher-who is alive and happens to like you-in some big movie and all the lame-o's that work at his magazines you could have chopped but you won't 'cause BAD GIRLS DO NOT EVER ABUSE POWER once they have acquired it, except occasionally for sexual purposes only.

Bad girls do not fake orgasms, or they betray only themselves.[8]

Bad girls have bad boy boyfriends but mostly good boy boyfriends 'cause the sweet-faced angelboy is really horrid and Mr. Gnarly is a big wimp who wants to know what sweater to wear onstage tonight; blechhh!

Bad girls sometimes wimp out and call, though that's separating the wheat from the chaff; the men from the wimps. If you can't be friends with him forget it. If he doesn't know how to actually get you to shut the fuck up, it's not worth that much. Fuck the phone game; other games are way funner. I'm a loser at the phone game. If you want to be a femme fatale, go for it and never call back, tally up, etc. The good ones do not even get the phone game. It's hard to believe but true. Cat and mouse is for Elizabethans and Victorians.[9]

Bad girls will always give you the shirt off their backs.

Bad girls are vulgar, but we have the potential for total class.[10]

The rest is my business, not the NY Post's.

NOTES:

1.  Low victim energy mentality:  Most important rule of my LIFE.  I never walk with pepper spray in my hand like I'm afraid, I never cross my arms over myself or drag my feet, and I look people in the eye and nod at them.  Even though I'm a living doll and a sweetheart inside, people who don't know any better figure the next girl who walks by might be a little less trouble.  I don't believe I'm invincible, but I do believe in this, and I've never been assaulted or targeted in a serious way...obnoxious guys trying to give me rides don't count, ha.  Also, if I had a nickel for every time I made some dude want to rip my clothes off only to see his face fall when he found out I'm actually a sensitive little creep...baaahaha

2.  Putting your boy first was always a real dick-move and punishable by harsh gossip or a "missed" invite to a hangout sesh.  Girls should BOND over jerks who do us wrong, not scratch each others eyes out over them.  Fighting over a boy is only for the lowest of the low, and I always opted to befriend the OTHER girl.  I've made and kept a couple of really sweet friends this way.

3.  No need for an explaination.  I don't fight with my fists, but isn't there more than one way to skin a cat?  Ask around, find out

4.  I love being a GIRL.  A real, panties-wearin', expensive make-up buyin', tantrum throwin' girl.  In my heart I'm burning my bra.  But in my real life I would like a Dolce and Gabbana Orchidea Maculata bra right now please. 

5.  While I've never resorted to typical antics like destroying personal property or sleeping with an exs best friend, someone besides me is usually going to get hurt.  Very rarely has someone who harshed on me stayed away from me for good, and when they come back around I make sure the experience is as humiliating and gut-wrenching as possible.  Uh, sorry.  My ego can't help it. 

6.  I love like no one else.  For reals.

7.  Merely good manners in my opinion.  And while holding out is totally funnier, not EVERYONE has to wait.  Ha.  

8.  Faking it is a reeeal slippery slope, ladies.  One you might not want to go down.  It always gets worse, it rarely gets better, and the resentment will build up until you just dump this poor dude.  If I can't get off, I should have the guts to address this, and he should care enough to help, and if he doesn't, peace out and all's well that ends well.  I never pretend. 

9.  Only little boys play the phone game.  If I want something, I call.  If I'm mad, then I don't.  And if too much time passes before HE calls, I am done forever.  The end.  And when I'm with someone who always lets me win, I know he'd never protect me at the apocalypse, so what's the point.  I need someone with some fight in him.

10.  Yes, I do kiss my mother with this mouth.
       And also pride myself on knowing when and where to be a perfect lady.